Day 255

Before we got into the car this morning, the boys ate pancakes shaped like Mickey Mouse, said good-bye to Papa Jon, Grandma Val, cousin Anna, Dad and Demps. When Ri rolled up in the Swagger Wagon, we hopped in. It was 8:30 a.m.

The day was gorgeous and the early part of ride was wrapped in Adirondacks... falcons soared, the sky was blue.

About an hour or so in "Kai throwed up." It was Cheerios induced and luckily we had a suitcase full of clean clothes and a fresh blanket. The incident occurred right at a spot where - serendipitously - there was a pull-off (with picnic tables, even!) along the highway. Luck was on our side.

I drove till lunch, easily - a notable feat ... highway driving makes my heart flutter, my jaw tense. After PB&J sandwiches, Ri's deconstructed Edible Arrangments birthday treat and chocolate milk, we piled back in. Ri took the wheel. The boys fell asleep and I tuned the XM to Lil' Wayne. 

We dropped off Ri somewhere near Northeast, a land full of "wine trees." (Seriously, that's what I called the grape vines today. Not for fun. Because that's how my brain was registering them. Sometimes I worry about my brain.) Memories came flooding back - a visit to these shores of Lake Erie with my admissions-office friends, the summer I was 19 ... the one I first felt like an adult.

I drove down 79, the familiar highway stretch - traveled often during my Allegheny days. Then onto 80 West for that short connection... so short I missed my usual exit... and started to worry. At the peak of my panic, Kai started freaking for me to take off his shoe. That was impossible with all of the big trucks and the long Swagger-Wagon stretch between the driver's seat and the bucket seat behind. I kept my eyes on the road and my hands on the wheel. Kai kept up a steady wail, while Jules told him to shush. A doe appeared at the edge of the trees and my heart leap into my throat. She paused, we passed. Big exhale. 

And then... a promising exit that wound round to another familiar stretch. Ultimately the roads spit us out right by the driver's testing facility where, 20 years ago, they gave me my first driver's license... which I'm not sure I actually earned, just driving around that small circle and pulling up beside the curb.

We arrived "home" at just after 7. And all of those hours in the car... they were worth it. 

For reasons like this: 

And this: 

Plus more fun to come... 

Day 252

Last night - over pizza at Chris and Ri's - this what is I promised: I would wake up SUPER early. Then I would wake Julian up. The two of us would drive to YaYa's (Yaya = Ri). And we three - Jules, Ri and I - would go for a hike in the woods. We would find the owl. Then we would have breakfast together. THEN we would go get Kai and go to school. I also secretly planned that when I got home, I would make a bunch of delish muffins that we could eat for breakfast. I would also bring over a special iced latte. "Tomorrow" (today) was YaYa's birthday.

But this is what happened: after pizza, Jon went back to work and I put the boys to bed. Then I put on my pajamas (leaving in my contacts and - randomly - my dangly gold earrings). I sat down on the couch with a magazine. And promptly fell asleep. Around 9:45, I think. Hours later, Jon got home and tried to get me to come to bed. I didn't budge... until Jon brought Kai down at 6:45 - three-quarters of an hour after Jules and I were scheduled to depart. 

There wasn't time to do the plan. I broke the news to Jules when I woke him up. He was devastated. 

I promised. 

It's true. I promised. So I skipped a shower and pulled on my clothes while Jon dressed the boys. I ran outside and cut some flowers - a bunch for Jules, a bunch for Kai - while Jon brushed the boys' teeth. Jules, Kai and I raced out the door. 

It wasn't a long walk. (Aside: Jules told us that it wasn't a walk in the woods at all because we were turning around. I started to protest and then he explained "we didn't do a loop." I'm not a fan of out-and-back running races so the kid had a point. Ri suggested a turn that led us through the trees. It worked: It instantly met all of the criteria for walk in the woods. ) 

And we didn't see the owl. We didn't sit around eating Happy Birthday muffins. 

But breaking out of my usual rushed morning routine to take two little boys to bring bright yellow bouquets to one of their favorite people in the world was just the start I needed today. Happy Birthday, YaYa - and thanks, Ri, for always making my days brighter.

Day 211

Today, my family got together for a BBQ in Bessemer. Angelo and Casey drove in from Akron, Kate came up from the 'burgh and my "Aunt" Judy, "Uncle" Davy, their son (and my "god brother") Mark and his family gathered at my parents' place to celebrate the 4th.

I texted photos of my boys to them. I followed Kate's Instagram action of the party. And was bummed. I wanted to be there.

But I also wanted to be here, with the awesome "family" and friends we've made in Vermont. Celebrating our independence on Reinhold and Pam's porch, watching the parade, eating popsicles with Mike B. Grilling ribs and dogs on Chris and Ri's deck with Jeff and Lauren, the boys mesmerized by Chris's backyard firework show. When I was a kid, it was lamb and loads of vegetables from Grandpa Patsy's garden at his place, followed by an insane fireworks display by "Little Theresa's" husband Ralph. All of my (dad's side) cousins - and most of my dad's cousins - were there. It saddens me to think that my boys won't have so many big family memories to look back on... 

Family friends.

But, I suspect (hope!) that Jules and Kai will have awesome memories of their childhood in Vermont - and many of these memories will  include the amazing people here in Vermont that we're lucky to call friends, old and new. The "family" dinners and parties 'round the fire pit. The hikes, the bikes and trips to the beach, the farmer's market, the waterfront. BBQs, parades, camping trips... and that's just the summer stuff.

Some days, I can't imagine ever leaving Vermont. But I also hate thinking about never being closer to our "real" families. Such is the price we pay for freedom, I guess. The freedom of so many choices. 

I had this thought earlier this afternoon. And then I had another thought: All of the men and women who are (and who have been) responsible for ensuring the freedoms that we as Americans enjoy often live (or have lived) far, far away from their families -- and without the option of hopping on a plane for a random visit or picking up and moving to be closer to their parents, their siblings, the people who matter to them most.

And to all of these people, I am grateful. 

Happy Independence Day!

Day 147

Jon just did a big switch-over of the boys' clothes, and I was shocked that Kai has already grown into this outfit:

Kai: age 2 years - 1 day

I was also surprised, two years ago, when Julian was big enough to wear these sweet brown-and-turquois striped pants, a hand-me-down from my friend Stacy, who bought them for her boy Sawyer when she was in Spain. Sawyer is six-and-a-half now but I remember, clear as day, sitting across from Stacy at a faded cedar picnic table outside of our old office on Ferry Road, chatting after lunch. She was thrilled about her upcoming trip to Spain for a dear friend's wedding but - like most mamas of little ones - conflicted about being away from her guy, then just two, for a whole week. Of course, she had an awesome time and, apparently, came back with the pants. I learned of this purchase when she passed them to me two years later. 

Now, another plus-two years, Kai is the third blue-eyed boy to rock the Spanish pants.

... Nothing like a pair of tiny trousers to remind me it's been exactly 365 x 2 days + 1 (Leap Year!) since Jon and I were heading to the hospital with a bag packed with (mostly unnecessary stuff and) the tiny newborn sleeper we'd bring Kai home in. And since JuJu--exactly Kai's age now minus three days --would wake up a big brother and eat pancakes with Chris and Ri. 

Day 143

Today was a long day at the end of a long week. I worked 17 hours yesterday - at the office. I am not complaining (or maybe I am? or am I bragging? hmmm... perhaps this mention was entirely unnecessary - yes, I think so - but now it's out). Anyway, I shouldn't be complaining because I still have a job after my company did a big round of lay-offs on Tuesday. And it happens to be a job I like. A lot. 

Regardless, my work week was a little out of balance and ended on a somewhat stressful note. Full confession: Today, from 4:55 to 5:10 pm or so, I cried in the car. (Yeah, yeah, me crying is like someone else sneezing... but after lots of days that require precarious work/life juggling and too few hours of sleep, I break down.) 

If this shark were chasing me, on land, I think I might be able
to run a 10K at a 8-minute-mile pace. Just maybe.

Luckily, I have great friends who pick me up. Ri made me and the boys dinner - pork tenderloin, sweet potato fries and baked beans, mmmm - while Jon took his turn at working late (on a Friday, poor guy). Note: the dinner invite was not in response to my cranky, weepy state. It came hours before the tears. 

And when I brought the boys home to put them to bed, Ri came with me, while Jon stayed to watched the NFL draft with Chris. The idea was to have a glass of wine when they were tucked in but bedtime took longer than expected. 

And then... then... I check the mail to find that my incredibly thoughtful friend Amy sent me a running mix (!!!) that she'd made for me--and this insanely realistic-looking shark card. Which is awesome and hilarious. Sharks terrify me--and, yet, I am obsessed.

My friends rock. I am lucky, lucky girl. (Yes, HT and Dibs, your tribute is coming. Be patient.)

Day 96

Burlington was a balmy 50-something today. I was feeling fab all (sunny) day--until I found myself regretting that I hadn't gone for a run. On this perfect, 50-something March day. I felt guilty. Why hadn't I at least logged a short jog? I thought about it.

J & J starting some seeds.  

Well... I had run "really, really, really, really fast - like a Cheetah" around the yard, again and again, dragging the Radio Flyer in wide loops, stopping periodically to take invisible tickets. 

... And I'd walked to the dog park with all four of my boys (humans + Digs!), stopping to spot the singing cardinal and appreciating all the other tunes whose artists I couldn't identify, pointing out exactly where Kai, Ri and I had seen the adolescent-boy moose galloping down the bike path when Kai was three months old. "Yeah, moose," he'd nodded in agreement, as if he totally remembered. 

... I whipped up a batch of banana wheat-germ muffins with Jules. 

... I danced to Fat Boy Slim with Kai. 

... I tossed baseballs to JuJu (and taught him the valuable lesson that no matter how badly your pitcher sucks it is not polite to yell "too high" and "too low" in a disparaging tone).

... I made a yummy new recipe (samosa-inspired twice-baked potatoes from Veganomicon) ... for family dinner with Chris and Ri. I had a Red Stripe while sauteeing and stuffing. It tasted of spring. 

It was awesome day. 

Day 36

I'm a morning person. I truly believe that, as the Green Mountain Coffee ad below puts it, "every morning is a fresh start." And if you read yesterday's post, you'll know that, today, I needed a fresh start. (Note to those of you - Olin, I'm looking at you - who think I'm a monster for calling my three year old an @sshole: I didn't call him an @sshole, I implied that he was acting like one.)

A+ marketing campaign Green Mountain Coffee. 

Well, as things go, Day 36 didn't start out well. Specifically, my day began with Julian taking his place at the breakfast table and screaming in my direction, like a little dictator, "I. AM. HUNGRY. AND I WANT MY BAGEL NOOOOOW." His face was flushed. He punctuated his demand by pounding the table with both fists. It was so insane that I simultaneously 1) wanted to laugh because it was so over-the-top and 2) worried that he was having some sort of emotional breakdown for which I should be seeking him professional help. I reminded him - calmly - that speaking like that was unacceptable and then told him that I was working on getting him his breakfast but first I was going to make Kai, who was waiting patiently, his waffle. Jules threw a fit. When I presented his bagel, spread generously with cream cheese, he threw another fit, shouting "NOT ENOUGH CREAM CHEESE" over and over. I mostly ignored this outburst. 

Then the tide turned. Julian ate this bagel. And then he politely requested another half. He thanked me. It was like the craziness had never happened. It was as if Julian had forced himself to make a fresh start. 

Jules was sweet and helpful when I picked him up a school. He had a great day, his teachers told me. He gobbled up his dinner (which contained peppers and onions - which usually provoke a protest). And then this happened: 

Kai was tugging on Demps and I corrected him, saying that it hurt Dempsey. "Owie." Jules took Kai by the hand and walked him into the next room. (I watched through the doorway.) He pointed to the floor and said, "Kai. Sit down. Sit down right there." (It cracked me up to see Kai obey him immediately.) "Kai," Jules said. "We don't pull people. It hurts." (I love that Demps is a person.) "You can get up now." Kai just stared up him. Jules repeated in a kind brotherly tone, "You can stand up now." Then he helped him up and and walked him back into the kitchen.

 This was the kind of day I needed. And speaking of awesome older brothers, have you seen this fab story that's basically gone viral?

PS: Day 36 also rocked because...  I ran 2 miles, made dinner in the slow cooker, scored 4 shirts at Banana Republic for $30, TOTAL, and used gift cards to pay. Got great work done at New Moon with Ri. Ran into two of my favorite profs from UVM.  Visited with Penelope and amazing little Amelia, who snuggled on my shoulder for nearly an hour. I'll expect an equally wonderful Day 63. 

PPS: I think that Green Mountain Coffee Roasters' brilliant campaign (see above) is a sign that I should take the plunge and buy the Keurig I've been contemplating. Your thoughts?

Day 7

Kai-guy-body-slam wake-up. Coffee. More coffee. Balls and scooters at the YMCA. Bagels. Coffee. Sampling 900 men's colognes at Macy's. Headache. Cookies - this recipe, from Real Simple (with toffee bits and pretzels thrown in, per a recommended variation). Mushroom raviolis and meatballs at Ri and Chris's - perfect. THANK YOU. Robert Mondavi. Frosty the Snowman. Stories and snuggling. Back-patting. Procrastination. Procrastination. Procrastination. Neatly stacking story files. Staring....at this...

Ugh. Go away.

So done. But so not close to done. Sigh.