Day 44

Dear Friends Who May Have Read One of My Fitness Stories/Weight Loss Stories And Wondered What-The-Hell-Planet-Is-This-Chick Living-On?:

I am sorry. I submitted a draft that offered insufficiently tested advice and, now, reviewing the evidence, I must issue a few corrections, including the following: 

"No time to exercise? Just wake up a half hour earlier." Wake up a half-hour earlier, and luck will have it that your kid will wake up an hour earlier, which means that you'll still be sedentary and that much more sleep deprived. A+ for effort though...

I miss you too, running shoes.

"Hop on the treadmill after your kids go to bed." After tucking your children in for the third time, go downstairs and amuse yourself for six minutes minutes while waiting for the bigger one to yell that he has to poop, rousing the little one from his slumber. Had you ventured all the way down to the basement and "hopped on the treadmill," you wouldn't have heard the big guy's cry for help or the little bro sobbing because his sweet dream was interrupted by shouts about excrement. Better, my friend, to pass the time on Facebook, Twitter or that time-sucking blog that you keep. 

"Eating healthy meals just takes planning." If you have children who actually go to bed. If not, the hours between 8 and 10 pm when you anticipating chopping vegetables and the like will be spent trying to prevent the big one from waking the little one with screams about poop, water and Daddy--in no particular order. 

"Squeeze exercise in by doing lunges at the office" Huh? No. Just delete this whole concept.

"Eating or drinking to relax just causes more stress. Do a yoga DVD instead." Pour yourself a glass of wine and grab some almond M&Ms. Carve out room for those calories by skipping dinner and having only the few bites of whole-wheat pancake your kid left on his plate. (Come on, you know you'd eat 'em anyway.) After all, research shows that the best sort of weight-loss/fitness plan is one you can stick to. 

I. Am. Grateful. Truly, I am. But today I am very, very tired. And not in that I-just-worked-out-and-feel-great sort of way.